somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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