He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
