every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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