You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
