Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
