If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
