Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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