Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Randomize
