fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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