Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
