When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
