who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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