About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
