don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
