We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
