dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I forgot wine drunk hurts
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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