Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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