I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
