You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
