Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
