so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Girls should come with a carfax report
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
