Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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