all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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