I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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