From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
