i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
