we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
