I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
