He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
