i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
