Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
