Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
