Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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