she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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