Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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