I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
