Can i not drive my cunt home
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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