I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
