Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
