epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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