What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
