Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
