I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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