i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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