Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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