Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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