i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I think I just sharted jello shots
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