I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
