filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
