Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
