This is not my ceiling
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
