3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Are we in a gay sports bar?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
